Some things never change

As most of you know, I used to work in a salon and spa. It is a very nice one and at the time was the only one in the area. I worked there for 5 years. I loved it. I truly miss it. I miss the staff and my clients and just the overall atmosphere. What I do not miss is the owner. She is the reason why I left, along with the reason why many others leave. It was a very hard decision for me to leave. I had a very good clientele built up along with my sonority, not to mention the money.

I just could not work for her any longer. When I first started there I was only 20. I had no idea, and she knew that. She was awesome, I could pretty much do what I wanted, we went out with the staff, she gave me money and gifts. After a couple of years I figured out why. She had no loyalty from any one. No one liked her for her. She would never ever admit it, but she knew it in her heart. It was very obvious once you saw through the clouds and smoke. I ignored it all. I loved my job, I just could not stand it when she was there. Sure we got along, but I had to, for the sake of my job.

She was so the opposite of everything I stood for, and for the first couple of years I so wished to be her, or at least have her life one day. I truly believe she is the root to a lot of evil. I know that is such a harsh thing to say, but you have no idea how much impact this woman has had on my life. It has been 3 years since I quit (which was nasty). I still think about that place, have dreams, doubting I ever should have left, and most of all doubting my skills as a therapist. She has said and did so many hurtful things to me over the course of 5 years. I was so blind for so long.

Now that were are struggling so bad with finances, I often think, I never should have left. My personal income is down by 75%. My thoughts are we would be so much better off, we would be so much happier, we would not be struggling so bad...and its all my fault we are in this income dilemma, if I just would have been strong enough and ignore her.

This has all been weighing on my lately (remember it has been 3 years, how pathetic is that!). I have had a couple of dreams, I have seen some old clients out, just a couple random things about the place keeps happening, and ultimately I am scared to death I am going to see her out soon. Not scared to actually face her, but just because I don't want to deal with it. I still have clients who go there and the other day I had a client I was giving a massage to and she was telling me about their new salon and spa that is being built. It is going to be this huge thing looking on to the St. Louis skyline. I think it is going to be pretty cool, but I was promised that when I was there, along with shares to be a co-owner and a teaching position. We even set out an announcement that we were doing this. Well anyway, obviously they still haven't done it. They have since bought the land though (well her million dollar husband, not the salon). And this client asked me if I would consider going back to work their once it was built. And I told her I would love to work with the staff that was there from like 02-04, but I would never work for her again.

Well my whole point to this forever long post is, I saw a girls mom at Wal-Mart that I used to work with. And ironically go to church with. This girl started working there Sept. 05, I quit Nov 05. In this short period of time we became pretty close. I shared so real personal feelings with her about the owner that I now know I should not have. But anyway, her mom just unloaded on me everything that has been going on there. And lets just say-"some things never change". It is still the same old place with the same issues. I had so many mixed emotions going on in this 5 minutes. Most of the people who work there was my age at the time, and they are just now finding out what going on, and they are trying to make their way out. I feel so so sorry for them, I know what I went through, and I don't wish that on any one, I mean no one. But at the same time it was all such a HUGE relief for me. Knowing if God did not give me the courage that day to quit, I don't know where I would be, and knowing I did not make a mistake and if he did not give me the courage that day he would have the next.

All this being said, those 5 years, even though some of it being so dreadful, was some of the most important and impactful years of my life. It gave me some of my best friends that I have today, it showed me the Lord, it gave me real strength and personal ambition for my life and the family life I have now. Sure I could have a nicer house with shinier things and a large bank account like her, but I would not have my family, none of that would have been possible still working for her, and I know that because in not so many words she has told me that. Sure I love money, who doesn't, but I love my life that I am so ultimately grateful for now. And with out her and the 5 years there I don't know if I would truly appreciate everything in life like I do now. No dollar amount in the bank is worth being able to go to sleep everynight with a smile on your face and a content heart.

God works in such weird ways at times. I feel like I was told to write this blog, just to get words out of my head and onto something (so ha ha, you all got to share this), and already I have so much more insight and feel so much stronger then what I did before I started it. There were times when she would try to pull God out of all of us in every way possible, and it never ever worked. It made him so much stronger in our hearts.